Welcome to the New Automated Teacher Mental Health Line
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If your are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If your schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are depressed it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
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